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You’re a redneck if …. You prefer to walk the excess length off your jeans rather than hem them. Continue reading
Father! Father! An old man just hobbled into the church on crutches. He splashed some holy water on his right leg and then he threw away his right crutch, and then he splashed some holy water on his left leg and threw away his left crutch! And…””My boy, you’ve witnessed a… Continue reading
spider spider on the wall u think your smart u no fuck all ur on a wall thats just been plasterd and now ur stuck u silly bastard Continue reading
“I never give my opinion on political matters, but before we bomb Iraq, let’s wait two weeks until Geraldo is over there.” – Craig Kilborn *** Pythagorean theorem: 24 words The Lord’s Prayer: 66 words Archimedes’ Principle: 67 words The 10 Commandments: 179… Continue reading
Question: Why did the chicken cross the road?
KINDERGARTEN TEACHER: To get to the other side.
PLATO: For the greater good.
ARISTOTLE: It is the nature of chickens to cross roads.
KARL MARX: It was a historical inevitability.
TIMOTHY LEARY: Because that’s the only trip the establishment… Continue reading
Harry and his wife are having hard financial times, so they decide that she’ll become a hooker. She’s not quite sure what to do, so Harry says, “Stand in front of that bar and pick up a guy. Tell him a hundred bucks. If you got a question, I’ll be parked around the… Continue reading
A woman went to see a sex therapist with a peculiar problem.
“My husband,” she said, “always falls asleep with his erect penis inside of me.”
“Is that a problem?” asked the therapist.
“Well,” she said, “the problem is he walks in his… Continue reading
A guy rings tech support to report that his computer is faulty.
Tech: What’s the problem?
User: There is smoke coming out of the power supply.
Tech: You’ll need a new power supply.
User: No, I don’t! I just need to change the startup files.
Tech: Sir, the power supply is… Continue reading
Why does a blonde only change her baby’s diapers once a month? Because the label says, Good for up to 20 pounds.
Why do blondes wear shoulder pads? To protect their skulls as their heads rock left and right.
How do you kill a blonde? Put spikes in her shoulder pads.
Why do blondes have… Continue reading
Einstein dies and goes to heaven. At the Pearly Gates, Saint Peter tells him, “You look like Einstein, but you have NO idea the lengths that some people will go to sneak into Heaven. Can you prove who you really are?”
Einstein ponders for a few seconds and asks, “Could I have… Continue reading
enstructive 